I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
