There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
