If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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