very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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