So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
