i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
