Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
