on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
