I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
