And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
