i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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