If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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