it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
