if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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