The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
