Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize