I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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