There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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