this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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