in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize