Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
