Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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