we're blogging at a bar
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
