Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
