Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize