as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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