Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
