I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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