I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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