I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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