dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
