I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Small penises have feelings too.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
