He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
