Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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