I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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