she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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