well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize