god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
zippers are such a cool invention
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
