I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize