By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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