i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
