Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
