ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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