nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
