I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
