so explain again why im purple
no
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
