I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I still have a little drunk in my system
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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