youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he thought i was a dude.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
