ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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