the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
