my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
