moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
