oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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