Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize