So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
