Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
