i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Two words: blizzard sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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