Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
