Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
