no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
