why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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