Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
