Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
