everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
