I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
