Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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