Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
