it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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