Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
And then he peed in my hair
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