therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
